I am feeling so lost right now. So left behind.
Let me preface this by saying I am SO happy for those you that have gotten your BFPs recently. Several blogs that I read have recently found out they are pregnant...and they so deserve it.
But I'm jealous. There. I said it. I don't want to feel this way but I can't help it.
I don't even know how to deal with these feelings anymore. I thought things were improving and I was healing, but now I'm not so sure. Every step that I take forward, I feel like I have to take two steps back...and with each passing cycle, I'm losing more and more ground.
Others are moving on...getting pregnant. Even those that had miscarriages after me. It's a tough pill to swallow. Somewhere in my heart, I am happy for them...I really am. Because I want the same in return when I am pregnant again someday. If it ever happens again.
Most of the people in my life don't fully understand how it feels and never will. They try to comfort me by saying "your time will come." I find myself feeling bitter over their words. Angry that they could say that when, in reality, my time did come, and it was ripped away from me. Twice.
I'm drowning in my own sorrows...in feeling sorry for myself. But I can't seem to drag myself out of this dark place. It's like I'm wandering around aimlessly searching for a way out...but it's so dark and cold...and I'm so lost.
xxxxx's I can relate...I have seen so many go on to get their BFP's and now they are all having their babies, and some, are even pregnant for a second time following a term birth since I started TTC/ had my first m/c...It feels so hard to be "passed up", and still waiting...hang in there, our rainbows are coming soon!
ReplyDeleteyou are in my prayers. i know some days it is hard to believe you'll get there. i have felt like i've taken two steps back so many times and "been tricked" into thinking everything was finally going great. sometimes, the siver linings are hard to find. i hope and pray that your days get brighter and that the light at the end of the tunnel is very, very close for you. big hugs!
ReplyDeletexoxoxo
maria
I can also relate. Feeling totally left behind hurts so much. When is it our turn already?? Haven't we struggled with this long enough?? I hope that tomorrow is a better day for you and I am continuing to keep you in my prayers! Hugs!
ReplyDeleteI totally understand, I've been there. That being said, chances are very good that your time WILL come. And when it does, all this pain and heartbreak will be a memory you can put in your past.
ReplyDeleteSo many people have posted exactly the same thing... and I'm sure on the road to being one of them. You aren't alone, even though that doesn't really make you feel better.
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