The last few days or so, I have become obsessed with when I will start showing. It's hard enough for me to believe that I am pregnant most days...and that fact that I'm almost 12 weeks. Time has just been flying by! I'm so excited for the second trimester. To feel better. To start showing. To find out the gender. So many great things coming and I just can't wait! I've got all next week off paid, as well as the Monday and Tuesday afterwards. I can't wait to be able to sleep in and just relax!
Well, this is going to be a short post. I'm at work and need to try and get a few more things done today and try to wrap things up over the next couple days. My dad and step-mom are driving in this Friday and we'll be having our Christmas on Saturday. Sunday we will likely go to DH's mom's for Christmas. Christmas Day, his dad will be coming over to our house (we bought him a grill and can't move it lol)...then we'll likely go back to his house for the day and veg out and eat...all day long. Then our next appt. is Dec. 26th at 10am. So excited! Will update with a pic soon :)
Today is kind of a special day. Not because it's an anniversary per say. It was the point in my first pregnancy when I found out that I wouldn't be taking a baby home. 10w5d.
It was that morning, August 5th, 2011, that I woke up so excited to be going to my first prenatal appointment. I was the first appointment of the morning and DH went with me. I was ecstatic that I had to pee as soon as I arrived. And excited that no one else was waiting. I would get to be called back first.
A few minutes passed and the nurse called us back. She started going on medical histories and then discussing different tests that we may or may not want. At the end, she handed me a bag filled with pamplets, and somehow it came up that I had been spotting brown for a few weeks. Her face changed and she went to speak with the doctor. She came back and ushered us to the u/s room because the doctor wanted to do an ultrasound to see what was going on.
It was at this point that DH started getting nervous that something was wrong. I was trying to stay positive and just kept looking up at the screen on the wall with my name on it. I kept saying "we're going to get to see George up there pretty soon."
Finally the doctor came in and the room was filled with silence.
I kept staring up at the screen waiting for something to appear. Finally, I saw a black area. But there was nothing inside of it. I didn't know what this meant, but finally the doctor said "there is a sac but it is empty. Maybe you aren't as far along as you think." Which I knew not to be true. It had been nearly 6 weeks since I got a BFP. There should've been something on the screen. Instead of him listening to me, he just said I was to go get blood drawn that day, then again on Monday, and we'd decide what to do from there.
We left the office in tears. Both of us. I went to get blood drawn even though I knew what the result was going to be.
I will never forget that day and all the days that followed. The extremely painful miscarriage that began 3 days later. The ER staff ignoring me and allowing me to practically bleed out in the bathroom. The cold ER doctor who pulled a trash can over to rid of the content that still clung to my cervix. And my OB that never even showed up, just told the ER staff that I wouldn't be needing a D&C. Then the eventual D&C a couple weeks later.
Most of all, I will never forget what it felt like to be a mom for those few short weeks. What it felt like to love someone that I had never met unconditionally. And what it felt like to lose the most precious gift I had ever been given.
First off, I should note that I'm sorry I haven't posted much else other than weekly updates. I'm sick and exhausted 99.9% of the time and generally the only time I manage to post is while I'm at work trying to make it through the day.
I am still reading others' blogs, but not always commenting. Sorry, I've been a bad blogger.
Also, I have trouble deciding how many weeks/days I am. Sometimes I go by LMP date (but not usually...even though my doctor still seems to), other times by ovulation date, other times by ultrasound dating. O date and U/S date are only 2 days apart...so if my posts aren't always the same based on the previous week, my apologies.
How Far Along: About 9 weeks Last week's abdominal ultrasound....sorry for the crappy pic:
Size of baby: Baby is the size of a green olive this week!
Interesting Developmental Stuff: Your new resident is nearly an inch long — about the size of a grape — and weighs just a fraction of an ounce. She's starting to look more and more human. Her essential body parts are accounted for, though they'll go through plenty of fine-tuning in the coming months. Other changes abound: Your baby's heart finishes dividing into four chambers, and the valves start to form — as do her tiny teeth. The embryonic "tail" is completely gone. Your baby's organs, muscles, and nerves are kicking into gear. The external sex organs are there but won't be distinguishable as male or female for another few weeks. Her eyes are fully formed, but her eyelids are fused shut and won't open until 27 weeks. She has tiny earlobes, and her mouth, nose, and nostrils are more distinct. The placenta is developed enough now to take over most of the critical job of producing hormones. Now that your baby's basic physiology is in place, she's poised for rapid weight gain.
Total Weight Gain: Around 4 lbs. at my appt. last week
Sleep: Still about 11-12 hours a night. And usually a nap on weekend days. And total lack of energy.
Symptoms: All-day nausea. Not vomiting, but VERY close. Super tired. Less uterus stretching/cramping this week, which scares me sometimes. UTI is gone...yay!
Cravings: Stouffer's macaroni and cheese. Corn pops. Taco bell nachos. Nacho cheese Doritos.
Gender: No clue.
Movement: Not even close unless gas counts ;)
Maternity Clothes: Still regular clothes for work. But maternity jeans on weekends.
Milestones: Seeing the heartbeat again, this time with my mom at last week's appt! Not having to come back until I'm 12 weeks!
What I'm looking forward to: 12 week appointment on December 26!