Scrolling through blogs today...and looking at posts on babycenter, I realize that so many are moving on. I keep telling myself that it's all in God's time and I am at least headed in the right direction now. But then I see those that have had miscarriages AFTER both of mine and are already pregnant again.
I'm also only 5 days away from it being ONE year since I lost George (my first). I just find it so hard to believe that time has flown by so fast. Feels like it all happened just yesterday. And here I am, 12 months later, and takings steps backwards from TTC.
I know everyone says "your time will come"...or "it'll be ok." And then I have that thought in my head, no, it won't be ok...it won't ever be "OK." I can't go back and change what happened. I won't ever just get over it.
There are things nearly EVERY DAY that trigger these thoughts. People announcing on facebook that they are pregnant with their third child...bump pictures, ultrasound pictures, newborn babies faces. Sometimes it's more than I can handle. And that's not to say that I'm not happy for those that have been through this storm before...I'm so happy for them. But so sad for me.
One more week until my surgery...and it can't get here soon enough!
As usual, I could have written this! It is so hard no matter how you slice and dice it. It just plain old sucks. No one should ever have to deal with so much of this crap. :( I hope your surgery helps and you get that BFP soon after. Hugs.
ReplyDeletei believe with all my heart that you have many blessings coming your way. keeping lots of faith and holding onto lots of hope with you, m. <3
ReplyDeletexoxo
maria
and i agree...you will always carry this with you no matter what. you are strong and are going to be an amazing mama for all that you are and all that you've been through.