Monday, August 6, 2012

Busy Weekend...and Triggers

Yesterday marks one year since we found out we were losing our baby :( I was going to post yesterday, but it was such a hectic weekend, I just didn't have time. Parts of the weekend were really good....others, not so much.

Saturday started off good. DH took me to my favorite mall so I could use my birthday gift certificate to Vera Bradley and to buy a new sports bra that I wanted at Lululemon! After that we picked up the doggies and went for a surprise visit to his dad's house....he missed the pups :) The doggies enjoyed that! Then we dropped the kids off and went to see if his mom and gma wanted to go out to dinner. But when we got to their house (gma lives with DH's mom and step-dad), DH's aunt was that he isn't too fond of. I was starving at this point, but I knew we wouldn't be able to go eat until she left. Almost as soon as we walk in the door, she says "guess what...I'm going to be a grandma!" This was sort of devastating to both of us. Her son is in his mid 20's...always losing his crappy jobs because he can't keep his temper under control...and constantly saying he wants to live off the government because he doesn't want to work. He isn't married...just dating this girl...and here they are pregnant and poor...and DH and I are still struggling.

I was laying on the couch facing away from her, trying not to burst into tears. Eventually, she left, and I lost it. DH held me until I stopped...then I had to run away to the bathroom to calm myself a bit more. I could hear DH and gma talking in the living room and her asking what was wrong. I hate that I have to feel so unhappy about other people getting pregnant, but in this case, they have no means to support a baby...they are going to be getting Medicaid and food stamps. Just makes me sad to know that DH and I have the means and desire to have children...and theirs was just an oops.

So, Saturday ended on that sad note. Sunday rolled around and started off much better. We got up early to go play a round of golf with DH's dad. Just 9 holes. None of us are spectacular golfers, but we always have fun. The weather was absolutely gorgeous and the course wasn't busy at all! I played the best golf I've ever played...and so did DH's dad...I shot a 48 (yeah, that's GOOD for me...I think par was 32)...DH's dad shot a 44. And DH...well, he played his worst golf ever and shot a 57. He also hit his head on the roof of the golf cart...twice! I also got a par on hole 2...and nearly a birdie on hole 7.

After golf, we had to get home because my mom was meeting me so we could go meet my brother's fiance (Cammie) for bridesmaids dress fittings! C also brought her other bridesmaid (Gayle) with her! I never knew trying on dresses could be so fun...but it really was! The sales person grabbed a ton of different styles for Gayle and I to try on! I always said I didn't think I could do strapless, but the strapless dresses actually looked better!

We narrowed it down to these two dresses:

We ended up choosing the short, strapless dress (in the watermelon color, above)!

We also decided that it needed a little bling, so we paired it with this sash:

We decided we will wear silver shoes during the ceremony....and we bought matching pink sandals to wear during the reception!

They left the decision up to me as to whether we were going to purchase them...which worried me.

So...let me back up a bit. I made very clear my desire to get pregnant very soon. And since the wedding is July 6th next year, there is a real possibility I will be pregnant, if not HUGE by then. At least that is my hope. So I was very nervous to be ordering a dress that very likely might not fit by July next year. So...eventually the saleswoman brings out a small pillow with a velcro belt attached so I could try it on with the dress we chose. I took it, not thinking anything of it. Until I got into the dressing room and put it on with the dress. I got really nervous and froze. I didn't want to come out of the room with all the mirrors and see myself with the pregnant belly I never got to have. Eventually mom came to the door and as soon as she came in, I lost it crying! Then Cammie came in...and I kept apologizing, for some reason. I agreed to try on a larger dress with the "belly" just so long as I didn't have to come out. Anyway, the dress is really short in the front with a large "belly" but that is the dress they chose anyway. Supposedly I can exchange the dress for a larger size if there is time, but even then, if I'm huge, it's going to look like a shirt. Oh well...I guess we will figure out what to do if that actually happens. So we ordered the dresses...and it IS a gorgeous dress AND I'm super excited! I just never realized the impact of trying on a fake belly exactly one year after finding out we lost our baby :(

The rest of Sunday was fairly uneventful. Mom and I got some food after David's Bridal. Went to Chili's and our waiter was someone I had gone to college with. He looked familiar to me but I couldn't place where....but he remembered me from our graphic design classes. Kept saying that everyone was always in awe of my work! I told him where I worked as a designer and he was impressed. I have to say, I was quite flattered :-) After that, I dropped mom off, and DH and I went grocery shopping to pick up last minute food and drink items for when I'm home the next couple weeks. We went home to watch pre-season football, but both fell asleep pretty early!

All in all, a good weekend...with a couple triggers...but I made it. Wednesday marks exactly a year since we lost our baby, so I know it's going to be hard. But surgery is Friday, so I am trying to look towards that!


  1. Sorry that your weekend had some rough spots. :( I am glad that it turned around though and I am excited for your surgery (hopefully it is ok to say that)! I hope that clears the way for a happy little baby in there soon after. Oh and I love the bridesmaid dress. So cute!

  2. I'm excited about the surgery, too! Not the recovery, but just the hope that we are getting closer to our take home baby!

  3. Glad you made it through the weekend. Those were some tough moments to deal with.

    I love the dress too. I'm happy you got to try them on before your surgery. I was really bloated for about a week after mine. Excited to hear how everything goes!

  4. i am sorry you had a few rough moments. i can totally understand why trying on a fake belly would make you upset. i remember them offerering last year when i was going to be in my friend's wedding and i didn't. but still got choked up in the dressing room. i am sorry you had to deal with hearing that news at your gma's too.
    you hang in there and know that you have a lot of us rooting for you in this coming week and always. <3