Monday, June 25, 2012

16dpo...or so I thought...

I have no idea what's going on now. According to my chart, I'm 16dpo, but no AF and all BFNs.

My temps are confusing...I don't even know what to input for my chart. I woke up at 6am and had a temp of 97.3, then woke up at 8am and had a temp of 98.1. I have been temping pretty regularly at 8am.

I also had brown spotting from 7dpo-10dpo. So I'm starting to think that maybe my brown spotting a week ago was an annovulatory "period."

But, I've also had AF-like cramps the past 3-4 days, which is usually what I experience before AF arrives. I woke up this morning thinking "yep, she's on her way," then nothing.

I don't even know my body anymore. This is so frustrating. You think that by temping, charting, and using OPKs, that I would have a good picture of where I'm at in my cycle. Everything is just so messed up. I haven't had an actual red blood period since April 1st! This is seriously insane and NOT normal.

I know I should just be patient and wait for my appointment July 19th, but I'm just getting so annoyed. I can't even attempt to TTC when my body is like this. On top of all that, I'm 2 days away from when I got my very first BFP last year, and I'm struggling more than ever. I should be holding a 4 month old right now. Or at the very least be VERY pregnant. Instead I have two miscarriages behind me, and a body that won't even attempt to cooperate anymore.

I'm just so damn tired. Physically. Emotionally. Just sick of all of it.Women around me everywhere getting pregnant, having babies. Except me.
And it doesn't matter how many people say "your time is coming" or "it will happen when it's meant to happen." I hate that. My time did come and it was all taken away from me. I'm so sick of hearing all that BS.

But deep down, I know they are right. I just don't want to hear it.

I know God has a plan, and I just need to trust in His wisdom. But why...why does it have to be so hard?!


  1. I feel the same way sometimes. That this whole journey is confusing and torrid. Hope you get some answers soon!

  2. Ugh I am so sorry. It is so utterly frustrating to have no idea what your body is going to do next. I know the feeling. Have you seen a RE for any testing? I had really long an unpredicatable cycles after my miscarriages so my doctor put me on Femara and it seems to be working so far (although I am still getting used to it). I know at this point I am pretty much will to try anything if it might bring about a THB. Not sure if you are there yet, but if you are it might be worth a shot. Hugs.

  3. Nope, haven't seen an RE yet. But I just got health insurance a few months ago...but now that I have it, I've set up an appt with my OB/GYN for July 19th. He helped a couple friends of mine who were having irregular cycles...they now both have I figure if he fixed them, then that would be a great first step for me. I seemed to not have issues getting pregnant once I was actually ovulating...but since my 2nd m/c, my body doesn't seem to like to O on it's own. Hoping he will put me on Clomid or Femara...or Metformin (although I have to be tested/diagnosed with PCOS).

  4. ughh, this is the second post i'm reading today about screwy cycles. i'm SO sorry, m. i've been praying for you so much and i understand your frustration with one thing after another. you don't deserve this.
    i hope that peace finds its way to you very soon. the physical and emotional toll that this journey can take on you in insane sometimes. and i hope and pray that you can smile and get some answers very, very soon!
    sending love and hugs!
    maria <3