I really hate the TWW! I always feel so in control the first week. I keep thinking 'oh, I'm so calm...no big deal. Next week is going to be a piece of cake.' Then I get to 8dpo and it all goes to hell. I start peeing on sticks before I would even get a positive. I've even peed on OPKs during the TWW just to see what a second line looks like!
Now, here I am, on 11dpo...freaking out that this month is over and I should move on. I had a negative on 9dpo, then 10dpo, and now today. I had spotting from 7-10dpo...and I have no idea why. Usually cramps start picking up leading right into AF on 15dpo. I had some of those last night, but today they have been replaced with bloating and a feeling that I'm hungry even though I just ate.
I don't want to read too much into it, but how can I not? The last two times I've been pregnant, feeling super hungry was a big sign for me. But after seeing nothing but stark white negatives, I am forcing myself to dismiss the symptoms as nothing but PMS and my mind playing tricks on me.
I decided this morning that I was happy with moving on. I realize that I can't do this on my own. I clearly need help regulating my cycles. And now that I have an OB that I love and awesome health insurance, it feels like the right path. I'm ready to take this weight off my shoulders.
In the back of my mind, I am scared that even with drugs, I won't be able to get pregnant again, but I know in my heart that it will happen for us. I just need to be patient, which for me is the hardest thing in the world to do.
I say now that I won't test again tomorrow or the next day, but I know better. I'm not really out until the witch shows her ugly face!