The last couple weeks, my thoughts have been consumed with fear. The farther along I get with this pregnancy, the more anxious I become. It's all becoming so real, and now, the thought of something going wrong would seriously destroy me. I'm trying to remain strong...but in the back of my mind, that thought is always there. What if.
I know everything has checked out perfect with baby so far, but I can't help but worry. Right now I'm focusing on making it to 24 weeks (viability). But then what? I honestly think I will still worry even when I make it to that point.
I broke down crying to DH over the weekend because the feelings had begun to overwhelm me. I just couldn't hold it in any longer. Just scared of everything. Of him being OK and making it here safely to my arms. Then taking care of him and worrying about being a good mom. But it ultimately came down to the fear of losing another one. The odds are pretty good that everything will be fine, but that fear still exists within me and I can't seem to shake it.
Please tell me this is normal. Perhaps for every mom...but maybe even more so for those that have experienced a loss. How do I deal with this?
i'm so sorry you're feeling this way, m. for me, the biggest reassurance and best feeling was/is feeling baby move and kick...knowing they're in there growing strong. i think if it wasn't for always feeling her, i would worry and wonder if she is okay. i never liked the "quiet days" she had in the past. i will continue to pray for you...i have so much faith that you'll be holding your baby boy this summer. :)
ReplyDeletesending lots of love xoxox
maria
Yes, I still have these same fears. Once I got past 24 weeks, then it was if I can make it to 28, I'll feel better. Then it was make it to 34 weeks because at that point they have as good of a chance at survival as a full-term baby. Now my goal is 37 weeks and I am obsessed with kick counts and if the baby moving enough. Are those contractions? Was that amniotic fluid? Always a different set of worries. I guess the way that I deal with it is to try to keep myself busy. When I am not busy I think about it too much. Also Googling is the worst. I have found that calling my doctor is a much better solution. Even though I feel like I am being annoying, they assure me that I am not. They always make me feel better. It sucks that we have these fears when others seem to have none. Just think of it this way...how thankful will be be to have those little babies in our arms? Email me if you want to chat or if you have a concern. I am sure I have had it too, at some point! Hang in there girl. You can do this!!
ReplyDeleteMaria and D are right. Use his movements- now that you can feel them- as reassurance. I have not experienced a loss like this but I have experienced the emotions you are going through. It happens to all women- or it should anyways. Ask C...I was telling him everything he and I had been doing wrong in an effort to "make it right" before A got here. You'll never be fully prepared, and googling is not the best although I did do it quite often. Feel free to express yourself in the ways you need to. Your husband is very supportive and hopefully understands what is really going on. Don't be afraid to vent on here, to us individually, or to yourself or God. Brady is going to be alright. He's so strong already and he's already moved mountains you weren't sure if he was going to. Love you girl!
ReplyDeleteI had these fears right up until the day I delivered my little girl. Especially the last week of my pregnancy when I was so exhausted and hurting, I wanted her out more than anything. Having her on the outside now I feel like I am much more able to keep her safe, like I have control over whether something goes wrong. You WILL have your baby in your arms soon.
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