Monday, September 24, 2012


Test is clearly negative.

I've had dreams the last two nights that I got positive tests. Then I woke up. I wish these dreams would stop. I am so happy when I'm sleeping but then I wake up and it's all taken away again :(

I really want to believe that there is still time this cycle, but I'm just not feeling it. And sadly, I put so much pressure on this cycle. I really thought if we did everything right, it would work. But now I'm feeling like it didn't happen and I feel like a failure. I keep saying that I really don't know how much longer I can do this...but AF will arrive and eventually I will have renewed hope that it will happen for us. But right now, I just want to crawl into a hole and give up :( Why does this have to be so hard?


  1. It isn't over until the witch shows up! It took me 3 Femara cycles to get pregnant this past time, so I am thinking that maybe your body has to get used to it? I hope it doesn't take you 3 cycles, but please don't lose hope! The positive that I saw through everything was that I didn't have to wait out a 40 day cycle to try again. 30 days and I could start again. Still holding out hope for you, friend!!

    1. Thanks, D! I just start to get impatient...coming up on a year since my last loss and it feels like the BFNs will never end :( I have my follow-up this Friday with my OB...and I'm taking Monday off work because I NEED a day off/a day to myself. Thinking of maybe getting a massage or going shopping!