Someday

This past weekend DH and I went to hang out with one of our only couple friends...C & H. They just recently had a baby and got married...her pregnancy was a surprise (meaning they weren't actively trying)...and they got married several months after finding out about it. But...I am happy for them. They seem like they are happy together and everything appears to have worked out the way it was supposed to.

Anyway, since my miscarriages, I generally find it difficult to be around anyone that is  pregnant or recently had a baby...except for them. H was so amazing after both of my miscarriages. She had previously just been an acquaintance...but she seemed so sympathetic, despite not having gone through a miscarriage herself...and she was pregnant during both of them. Most pregnant women don't want to think about miscarriage, so for her to have listened so patiently during that time meant the world to me. Anyway, she is basically the only woman I can be around that has recently had a baby. For some reason it just doesn't bother me. I see what a great mother she is...and how happy both her and C are, and I just can't help but smile. It is only when I am with them that I truly feel hopeful that someday this too will become my destiny -- that I will be able to one day experience the joy of motherhood!

On the TTC front, it's CD18 today and I am still waiting to O. My OPKs still look almost positive, but they just aren't quite getting super dark yet. I'm getting so annoyed! Other than that, DH and I are sticking to SMEP pretty good so far...we started on CD8, skipped CD9 and also missed CD10 (even though it's an every other day plan up until a positive OPK)...started back up again at CD11, then 13, then 15, then 17. We're on a roll! But in my head I'm thinking: [please O soon...I'm really getting tired....]

CD11 - CD18 (top to bottom):

Last cycle's positive OPK:

Summary

• Temps: Still pre-O and low. Boo!
• Ovaries: They suck!
• Libido: Lacking...and already tired of every other day BDing
• Torturing Myself: Thinking about what would've been with my upcoming due date this Sunday...and seeing the woman I work with who is going to be giving birth tomorrow...and thinking "that should've been me"
• Exercise: Lifting weights and doing cardio 3 times/week. I've not lost much to speak of yet, but I'd really love to get down to 115 again (currently 123.6 as of today)
• Work: Busy, but a good busy. Not so much as to drive me crazy, but enough to keep the day going by fairly fast
• TV Watching: On to season 4 of How I Met Your Mother