Sunday, February 26, would've been my due date for my first pregnancy. I thought I would feel different somehow. But it felt just like any other day. I had moments where I could concentrate on everyday things. And moments where I thought of nothing but the child that I should've been holding in my arms.
It hit me hard when DH was talking online to his aunt and she said something like "You have to let go and move on." At the time, to me this felt like telling me to forget that it happened and put it behind me. But after reading through another blog yesterday, I realized what she meant. In fact, if anyone would understand how I feel, it would be her as she had a stillborn many, many years ago.
Ultimately, she meant that life goes on. Dwelling on what happened, although therapeutic at times, doesn't help. It happened and I can't change it. I have to focus on trying to conceive now...and all the positive things that I do have in my life. Just because I am moving on does not meant that I will ever forget...because I won't.
Ever since miscarrying, my life has changed. I think anyone who has been through a miscarriage can attest to this. The moment you see those two pink lines staring back at you, you fall in love. And no matter how much you try to protect yourself after having a miscarriage, you ache to see them again, no matter the outcome. It's a love that's indescribable...you'd go the ends of the earth and back for the life inside you. It's a deeper love than you ever imagined you could give.
Losing that life really makes you focus on what matters most in life.
The people close to you. The moments that you look back upon and smile.
Not the things.
Sure, it's great to have a roof over your head, and a car, and money to buy new clothes. But at the end of the day, you can replace all of those things.
What you can't replace our the people in your life and the memories you make with them.
Miscarriage has taught me that life is all too precious, and you have to cherish what you have while you still have it. No matter for how long.
***
Upon browsing the Internet about miscarriages, I stumbled across this website that really spoke to me. It talks about truths and non-truths about miscarriages...and so many of these really make you think:
http://www.ivf.com/misc.html
My two favorites truths are these:
The truth isn't that once this is over your life will be the same.
The truth isn't that eventually you will accept the loss of your baby and forget all about this awful time.
Which basically goes back to what I was saying earlier. My life will NEVER be the same. This (these) lives (souls) have touched my heart...and lived within me. I can never forget about those journeys, however brief they were.
Ultimately, she meant that life goes on. Dwelling on what happened, although therapeutic at times, doesn't help. It happened and I can't change it. I have to focus on trying to conceive now...and all the positive things that I do have in my life. Just because I am moving on does not meant that I will ever forget...because I won't.
Ever since miscarrying, my life has changed. I think anyone who has been through a miscarriage can attest to this. The moment you see those two pink lines staring back at you, you fall in love. And no matter how much you try to protect yourself after having a miscarriage, you ache to see them again, no matter the outcome. It's a love that's indescribable...you'd go the ends of the earth and back for the life inside you. It's a deeper love than you ever imagined you could give.
Losing that life really makes you focus on what matters most in life.
The people close to you. The moments that you look back upon and smile.
Not the things.
Sure, it's great to have a roof over your head, and a car, and money to buy new clothes. But at the end of the day, you can replace all of those things.
What you can't replace our the people in your life and the memories you make with them.
Miscarriage has taught me that life is all too precious, and you have to cherish what you have while you still have it. No matter for how long.
***
Upon browsing the Internet about miscarriages, I stumbled across this website that really spoke to me. It talks about truths and non-truths about miscarriages...and so many of these really make you think:
http://www.ivf.com/misc.html
My two favorites truths are these:
The truth isn't that once this is over your life will be the same.
The truth isn't that eventually you will accept the loss of your baby and forget all about this awful time.
Which basically goes back to what I was saying earlier. My life will NEVER be the same. This (these) lives (souls) have touched my heart...and lived within me. I can never forget about those journeys, however brief they were.
this is beautiful!!
ReplyDeleteit's so true...the love being so "different" than any other love you've ever felt.
through all the ups and downs, i'm grateful to know that love.
you're so sweet to mention my blog...i'm glad we found one another!
it really is such a blessing to have women who understand you...even in situations like these.
thank you for sharing your heart.
<3
maria
That link was amazing. Thank you so much for sharing.
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