Again...

After my D&C, I had a very strong desire to try to conceive right away. I was told to wait one cycle, but that didn't happen. I didn't get my first AF until 7-8 weeks later in October...so after that, DH and I began actively trying to conceive. I used OPKs and checked my CM on a daily basis. We did the deed around ovulation...and then the two week wait began. And those of you TTC will know that the two week wait feels much longer than 2 weeks! I began taking hpt's very early...around 8dpo. Stupid, I know. But I'm impatient. At 10dpo, I got a very faint line. So faint, I almost didn't believe it. I thought I was making myself see it because I wanted to be pregnant so bad. But I got another positive the next day at 11dpo, so I made a doctor's appointment. I went in on 13dpo and the urine test came back negative. Not surprising - doctor's urine hpt's notoriously detect much higher levels than some at-home tests. Still...I freaked out! They had to do a blood draw and said they'd call me as soon as the results came in. I left the doctor's office, went to buy a FRER and peed on it as soon as I got home. 2 beautiful, pink lines appeared...and I relaxed a bit... ...until the next morning. I couldn't help but pee on another FRER since I had an extra, and the line was barely even there. I started crying and an hour later, began bleeding and cramping. I knew I had just experienced a chemical pregnancy -- for those that don't know what that is...it's when the egg is fertilized and begins to implant into the uterus, but can't fully implant for whatever reason. I suspect it was because I still wasn't healed from the D&C and my lining was likely pretty thin. Later that day my doctor called to tell me I was pregnant but that my hcg levels were only at a 7. I stayed in bed all day writhing in pain and bleeding fairly heavily. I had just lost 2 babies in the span of 3 1/2 months. This one, at the time, seemed equally difficult, but looking back, I got over the chemical much easier than the first. It was as if I almost expected something bad to happen. I am still dealing with the loss of both of my babies...but I truly believe everything happens for a reason...and we are continuing on my quest to conceive our rainbow baby!